Here are a few of my Holiday Momservations. Enjoy and happy holidays!

• If it can’t be found on eBay, it doesn’t exist.

• Scoring the season’s hottest toy for your kid is the equivalent joy of a child waking up on Christmas to find out they were on the Good List.

• As far as Santa’s concerned, you’ve got to believe to receive.

• Naughty is way more fun than nice, but don’t tell the kids.

• Legitimate kid question (LKQ) - How many wedgies are you allowed to give your sister/brother before Santa slides you to the Naughty List?

• Clothes for Christmas is right up there with lima beans for dinner.

• Letting your kids help with wrap Christmas presents is an exercise in patience but not letting them help would be like kicking a puppy

• If you have toddlers - either put your favorite ornament away for another year or go ahead and throw it on the ground right now and get it over with.

• The perfect Christmas card photo will be snapped the day after Christmas.

• LKQ - What makes a Christmas cookie taste so much better than cookies from the rest of the year?

• There should probably be a limit on pictures you can take for Baby’s First Christmas.

• What family doesn’t have a picture in their photo album of one of their kids in a box with a bow on their head?

• The end of a candy cane fits perfectly up a nostril. This is an important discovery if you’re a toddler.

• LKQ – How come Santa doesn’t just leave socks and underwear for the bad kids?

• There is no better re-gift then when your kid wraps up something from their room in a heartfelt gift to Mom.

• To figure out the odds of keeping a Christmas tree upright and green until Christmas, use this formula: take number of days tree will be standing, divide by number of kids in house, deduct 25% for each cat, subtract five days for each time you forget to put water in the basin, round down to the nearest even number each time the dog marks the tree, and then if you haven’t chucked it yet because it’s filled with ants after putting 7UP in the reservoir for longevity and real candy canes on the branches, make sure there is zero probability anything will be lit around the tree.

• If we’re not all kids on Christmas then we’re missing the big picture.

If you’d like to mix up your Christmas song line-up this year, check out a few of my Mommy Modified Christmas Carols:
http://kellimwheeler.com/uploads/Mommy_Modified_Christmas_Carols.doc