Momservation: When all else fails, go with Goldfish crackers.

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Jacob Hall, finally tall enough to ride Disneyland's Thunder Mountain Railroad

Today I reunited with my “Tale of Two Mommies” co-author and fellow overextended mother, Jen Hall, to create for you a pop quiz of your mom expertise.

Don’t worry if you’re a newly minted mom, seasoned grandmother, or even a Dad – if you don’t already know this stuff, long forgotten it, or have done your share of diaper duty, you will quickly learn it in order to stay top of the food chain.

So grab a pencil to record your answers and tally your score and let’s see what your MOM IQ is!

1. Who are Dorothy, Wheezy and Rosie?

2. List the type of diapers you will need to bring if you are going on an overnight trip to the beach with a toddler.

3. What are the ratings for Nintendo video games?

4. What are the height requirements at Disneyland for Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, Indian Jones and the Matterhorn Bobsleds?

5. What are the progressive stages of stroller ownership?

6. Name at least ten items you will vacuum out from under your car seats.

7. Name at least ten items that will be found missing under your car seats.

8. Name the main characters from “Hannah Montana,” “Wizards of Waverly Place,” “iCarly,” and “Suite Life on Deck.”

9. Name the infraction that will get a mother to permanently turn laundry duties over to a child who has been repeatedly warned.

10. What are the three diversions necessary for a successful restaurant outing with a young child?

11. What four things can you take away as punishment to make your teenager hate you?

12. What meal can be served so that everyone in the family will be happy with it?

ANSWERS

1. Elmo’s fish on Sesame Street’s Elmo’s World, one of the two headed dragons on Dragon Tales, and the little sister on Cailou. (2 pts each or 3 pts if you at least knew they were characters from those annoying PBS shows)

2. Regular diapers, swim diapers, overnight diapers. (2 pts each – bonus 2 pts if you throw in the Pull-up diapers to stick with potty training consistency)

3. EC = Early Childhood, E = Everybody, E+10 = Everyone 10 and older, T = Teen, M = Mature, AO = Adults Only (2 pts each – 1 pt if you cheated and looked at a game case or on the internet)

4. Big laceName w:st="on">ThunderlaceName> laceType w:st="on">MountainlaceType> Railroad – 40 in., Indiana Jones – 46 in., Matterhorn Bobsleds – 35 in. (2 pts each. An extra point if you’ve stuffed your kids shoes with tissue or styled a puffy hair-do so your child was tall enough to ride. 5 bonus pts. if you have the Mousewait.com app on your phone that tells you height requirements, wait times and daily schedules for Disneyland rides).

5. Infant carrier stroller, regular stroller, double stroller, travel stroller, jogger, umbrella stroller. (2 pts each. Bonus 5 pts if you said, “heck with it all” and got rid of everything in favor of the cheap and most reliable umbrella stroller. Minus 5 pts. if you are beyond strollers and still have all these in your garage rafters.)

6. (1 pt. for each of these or anything you’ve actually sucked up). Goldfish, Cheerios, Fruit Loops, Legos, Polly Pockets, french fries, crayons, Nintendo DS game chips, assorted candy, hair clips/ties, wrappers – gum, candy, granola bars, etc, pen tops, water bottle tops, juice box straws, raisins, used Kleenex, Happy Meal toys…

7. (1 pt. for each of these or anything you’ve actually lost and then found). Shoe (includes baseball and soccer cleats, flip flops, sandals or any other shoe that looking for it made you late or go out and re-buy them), homework, sippee cup or bottle (bonus pt. for congealed milk), DVD, balls, card from a deck of cards, Nintendo DS, sweatshirt, uniform, sock, jelly bracelet, binky, lunch money, lunch box…

8. HM – Hannah Montana/Miley Steward and Robby Steward, Jackson, Lily, Oliver and Rico; WWP – Alex, Justin, Jack, Jerry and Theresa Russo and Harper; iC – Carly and Spencer Shay, Samantha, and Freddie; SLD – Zack and Cody Martin, London, Bailey, Mr. Moseby (1 pt for each name, 2 pts if you knew the last names too but you probably shouldn’t admit that).

9. Putting folded, clean laundry back in the dirty clothes hamper. (3 pts. Bonus 5 pts if your kids are doing laundry because they wouldn’t turn their socks and underwear right-side-in or found a dead animal/insect in the pocket)

10. Snack, drink and toy. (2 pts each. Bonus 5 pts. if you’ve never had to leave a restaurant because of a crying baby or melting down child.)

11. Phone, computer, TV, car. (2 pts. each. Bonus 5 pts if you didn’t give in early to the restriction time to make your life easier again.)

12. A meal ordered from a restaurant - so Mom doesn’t have to cook or clean and everyone can pick what they want. (5 points. Minus 2 pts. for the easy-out of pizza).

SCORE

140-80            Congratulations - you’ve been there, done that, bought the T-shirt and ain’t nobody knows more than you when it comes to basically anything worth knowing! You are never caught without sunscreen or baby wipes.

79-23              Don’t worry – you still know enough to make it look like you know what you’re doing. A few more years under your belt or one day at the park with other moms and you’ll be up to speed. You at least always have Goldfish and know when to forget the groceries and just leave the store.

22-0                It’s not too late – Not sure where you’ve been, but it hasn’t been with the kids. It’s time to lighten up, jump in and enjoy the journey. Your car is too clean, your life too structured and you could really use a Happy Meal.